August 31, 2014
Eight years ago today, I was laying on an operating table and feeling my heart racing out of my chest as they performed Radiofrequency Ablation on me to correct my heart arrhythmia. These eight years have taught me so much about myself, the things that I want, the things that aren’t important, and a new level of appreciation for everything–which is not to say that I was unappreciative of everything before that. As crazy as it sounds, I’m happy that I went through all of the insane things that I did because it has showed me that taking things for granted is all fun and games until it is ripped out from underneath you and you are faced with the cold reality that nothing will ever be the same or the way that it was ever again. It’s a harsh truth. I will never be that twenty-one year old girl who was only fixated on my training in wrestling and getting through college, again. Instead, my focus is on doing everything and experiencing everything in life. I do not want to set limits for myself or ever settle for anything. I’m determined to make today, tomorrow and so on… count, with no restraints. There is no limit.
Song: “The End.” – My Chemical Romance
Story: After I had the surgery to correct my problem, I felt like I was living in a nightmare because I was scared of everything… especially having one of the episodes again; I wasn’t convinced I was cured. Mentally, it tore me apart. I found comfort in My Chemical Romance’s album The Black Parade that was released shortly after my surgery. It was about a patient, death, anger, and hope. It was only appropriate for me to use “The End.” as my song for today because on my “heartiversary” I like to celebrate life, happiness and meaning. Back then, I was still looking for those answers. The true way to honor today is to take the negativity and turn it positive… remember where I was to know that I have accomplished so much with getting to today.
Now come one come all to this tragic affair
Wipe off that makeup, what’s in is despair
So throw on the black dress, mix in with the lot
You might wake up and notice you’re someone you’re not
If you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see
You can find out firsthand what it’s like to be me
So gather ’round piggies and kiss this goodbye
I’d encourage your smiles I’ll expect you won’t cry
Another contusion, my funeral jag
Here’s my resignation, I’ll serve it in drag
You’ve got front row seats to the penitence ball
When I grow up I want to be nothing at all!
I said yeah, yeah!
I said yeah, yeah!
C’mon C’mon C’mon I said
(Save me!) Get me the hell out of here
(Save me!) Too young to die and my dear
(You can’t!) If you can hear me just walk away and